fanfics

“How many times do we have to go over this? Korean people can speak English just as well as you and I. Anyway, you speak to Grandma and Grandpa in Korean. Kang Ta won’t laugh. He’s like a real oppa to you. Trust me, you have nothing to worry about.” my brother reassured me.

Tears came to my eyes as I continued to stare out of the window. How could I stop thinking about it? It was my world. It consumed my every thought. The day I stop thinking about it, that is the day that I will truly be happy again. But right now, that day seemed so out of reach.

“Puuulllleeeaasseee. I really don’t wanna be seeing this.” Min Woo said rolling his eyes as he rushed out the front door, heading for the car. Dong Wan and Mi Yun followed him and soon they were speeding along the highway to the shopping mall to meet the others.

Kang Ta ran to the elevator and went down the three floors. He burst outside the front doors and ran to meet Tony oppa and Yuri. It was the first time in 5 years that he would meet Yuri. He still imagined Yuri to be the little cheerful, bubbly cousin that he remembered. Tony oppa came back to Korea every summer break. As he walked towards the taxi, a girl of average height with long straight black hair, dressed in jeans and a long sleeved T-shirt stepped out, followed by her brother.

“She’s gone to Korea?! She didn’t even tell me!” Andy paced furiously around his room. Then Andy remembered. “She doesn’t even want to know who I am now. Hasn’t been returning my calls, refuses to see me. I have really screwed up! I can’t blame her. How could I be so stupid? Argh…” he yelled in frustration as he threw a pillow across the room.

“I don’t want to let her go. I messed up, but I am going to go and beg her forgiveness. I need to explain things to her. I love her too much to just give up like this.” Andy said with determination on his face. “No matter what it takes, I want to make her see how sorry I am.”

“Kang Ta oppa, this is a really nice place you have here” I said as I looked around the bright apartment. It was very modern and at the same time, cozy looking. She couldn’t believe that she would be staying here for the rest of her college education.

“Thank you, but it was my parents who chose it. It’s very convenient so I guess that’s why they picked it.” My cousin said as he placed our bags in two different rooms. “Yuri, your room is this one, and Tony hyung, that one’s yours. I sleep in the one on the other side of the corridor.”

“Tony!” Hye Sung exclaimed as he walked over and gave Tony a big hug. “Glad to have you back, this is your little sis? Ok, I’ll introduce everyone else. These are my friends Min Woo, Dong Wan oppa, Mi Yun – Min Woo’s little sister and Dong Wan oppa’s girlfriend, my friend Brian, Hwan Hee and Yoo Jin – Brian’s cousin. Phew, long list.”

I hadn’t really had a good chance to look at my new friends until now. Mi Yun seemed so friendly. I was beginning to see that I was going to become good friends with her. Being taller than me, she carried herself well with long layered hair, dyed a soft brown colour. She was so carefree and happy. I could see why Dong Wan oppa cared for her so much. They were a really cute pair. The five year age difference did not seem apparent at all. Dong Wan oppa was tall, tanned and had a wonderful maturity about him. The way he talked reminded me of a very knowledgeable person. Min Woo oppa was a bit more carefree. Like Mi Yun, he had the same characteristics. He was not as tall as Dong Wan oppa, and his hair had been dyed a blue/purple colour. It really suited him. Hwan Hee oppa was harder for me to look at, seeing as he was sitting right next to me. He was tall, had a wonderful complexion and had blonde streaked hair. The thing that stood out about him was his eyes, they were the most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen. It’s so unfair when it’s always the guys who get the nice eyes. When I looked into them, it was like I could see inside him. He was quite talkative and lively. Wow, I can’t believe that I’ve made so many new friends in such a short time.

“Haha, yeah, well I guess that’s Brian for you. I guess I haven’t been around all that much. Studying and all, I’m off to college after break. Finally.” Yoo Jin replied, smiling at Kang Ta. How nice of him, he isn’t the average guy, he’s not talking about basketball like the others. He’s pretty good looking, I’ll admit.

“Yeah, doesn’t that sea breeze give you a big boost of energy? Like you want to do something totally crazy?” said Min Woo oppa with a twinkle in his eye as he stepped out of Dong Wan’s car. Dong Wan oppa locked his car and he too had a twinkle in his eye.

We were standing behind the beach wall, the sun had finally peeked out from the clouds and it sparkled on the sea like diamonds. What a beautiful day, I thought. All of a sudden I heard a squeal as Dong Wan oppa and Min Woo oppa picked Mi Yun up and ran onto the beach.

“Thankyou very much.” I sighed in relief. I could see that I was the lucky one. Mi Yun and Yoo Jin unnie on the other hand were not as lucky. They were chucked into the water, clothes and all. But the guys didn’t get away with anything. The two girls soaked the others until they were just as wet. Hye Sung, Tony, Hwan Hee and I stood on the wet sand and laughed.

After the very wet friends decided to finally come out of the water, it was close to dinner time. The six of them sat on the sand to dry off. It wasn’t long before they were dry. It had gotten very sunny. When they were dry, we walked down to the nearest restaurant and had our dinner there.

“Yeah, let’s join them.” Kang Ta said softly as he nervously grasped Yoo Jin hand as they slowly walked along. To his surprise, she didn’t pull away. She just smiled at him at kept walking. Both of them looked out at the moonlit water and thought of how wonderful a night it really was.

When we all met up again, we were caught up in our own little worlds. Mi Yun and Dong Wan were inseparable, Yoo Jin and Kang Ta were holding hands but dropped them when they approached us, and Hwan Hee and I just continued to hold hands. Min Woo, Hye Sung, Tony and Brian all started to act strangely. Min Woo grabbed Hye Sung and pretended to make out with him while Tony got down on one knee and pretended to propose to Brian. I rolled my eyes when I saw them. They could be so immature.

“Mmm, I hope so. He’s just so great, not to mention, totally gorgeous.” I replied as I walked out of the bathroom. I really hope that he is the one for me. His wonderful eyes! I just couldn’t believe that he’d asked me out! I only just met him! Was I making a mistake at being so hasty in giving him my answer. No, I just didn’t care. This was the first time in months that I had been truly happy and I wanted it to stay that way.

It had been a long day of shopping and we were tired, but still felt like doing something before heading off to bed. I didn’t want the night to end. You could have painted a picture of the scene in the park today. With the 3 couples now going strong, we were like a real life drama series.

“Yes, she used to sing.” Tony said looking at me. He was sitting on the other side of the room and I couldn’t do anything to stop him saying anything. “She sang for church, some small concerts for charity and little things like that back in L.A.”

“My dad has a friend who is a manager of SM entertainment. You know, the huge Korean music corporation. I can ask him to listen to you. That voice shouldn’t be wasted on just karaoke and singing in the shower. You have to open up your opportunities!” Hye Sung mentioned.

“Yuri, Hye Sung tells me what a beautiful voice you have. He was very excited when he called and I’m sure you will show us some talent.” Mr Shin said, smiling as he ushered Hye Sung, Tony, Mi Yun, Dong Wan, Min Woo and I into his office. The others couldn’t make it because they had a family get together and had invited Kang Ta and Hwan Hee. I was very nervous and I had no idea what to expect. I kept on telling myself not to expect too much. This could be the start of a whole new life for me.

“Ok, here goes.” I said. And I started to sing. It was a truly beautiful song and I loved every word of it. I started out nervously, but soon, I was so caught up in the beauty of the song, that I once again forgot everyone in the room and sang alone. When I’d finished, everyone applauded again.

“My pleasure, we need to get that enchanting voice of yours out into the gayo world. Your life is going to change dramatically from now on. I will arrange everything and soon, Yuri Ahn will be a name known all over the world.” He said smiling and shaking my hand. He said a quick but hearty goodbye to everyone in the room and briskly walked out.

Hwan Hee and I were sitting at the park near the apartment he, Brian and Yoo Jin shared looking out across the lake at the moon reflected on the dark water. The party was going strong inside on the 2nd floor. We could hear the music thumping and the laughter of our friends filtering through the curtains into the warm night air.

“No, I wanted to go to college and study Korean. I felt like it was time I learned to speak, read and write in my native language properly. My Korean is really bad so I was so glad when Tony oppa said that most Korean’s can speak English quite well.” I replied.

We left my house and walked out to Andy’s BMW. Soon, we were on our way to one of his friend’s parties. I’d promised Andy that I’d go with him, but I still felt a little uncomfortable seeing as I didn’t really know anyone there. I looked over to Andy while he was driving, he looked so damn good. We had been going together for close to three years now. I was in Junior High only 14 years old and he was 16. We met through one of our friends and we’d been going out ever since. I really loved him dearly. He told me that he would marry me after college. We had even given each other silver promise rings that we wore on our forefingers. I stared at the ring on my finger as we drove to the party and smiled happily to myself.

Andy and I walked in to the already bouncing party like the homecoming couple of the year. I spotted Sarah, a girl I knew from school with her boyfriend Jason sitting on the far side of the room. They seemed to be the only people I recognized from our school. The rest of the people were Andy’s college friends. I knew most of Andy’s friends except this party was held by some of his friend’s, friends.

“C’mon Yuri, let me introduce you to some people. A lot of my friends are dying to meet you. I don’t usually hang around them, but that doesn’t matter.” He said as he guided me through the crowded rooms into the kitchen where I spotted Jin and Eric, two of Andy’s closest friends.

“Eric, I don’t deserve that, anyway, how come you weren’t watchin’ Jin. You know he can’t control himself. He’s drunk before the night even started.” I said shaking my head and looking at Jin who was now walking around the room trying to pick up girls.

“Hey, I didn’t know he was going to get wasted so fast! I didn’t even know he was drinking. Forget it, I’ve had enough of trying to stop him. It’s his business.” Eric said annoyed. “I’m gonna go and check out the action out back. Catcha’s later.”

Soon, Andy went to talk to his friends and I was just sitting there on the couch with nothing to do. I smoothed out my dress and went over to Sarah and Jason. We talked for the whole night. I was a little bit annoyed that Andy hadn’t come back so I decided to walk around and try to find him.

I walked past the back porch and spotted him. Then, with a sickening feeling, saw that he was kissing this tall, blonde-haired girl. She was all over him! I couldn’t believe it. He suddenly saw me and pushed the girl away. That was when I ran back through the house and out the front door to the front yard. I finally sat down under a large tree to catch my breath. I could hear Andy catching up to me yelling out my name.

“You don’t have to explain, it was plain for everyone to see. I just can’t believe you would do that to me.” I said turning away from him. My voice was angry and hurt. “Take me home. I want to go home.” I wouldn’t have asked him, but I didn’t know anyone at the party, Jin and Eric were drunk and Sarah and Jason went home awhile ago.

“Yuri, shh, it was just a dream. Calm down baby girl, it’s okay, I’m here. Take it easy. Stop crying now, it’s ok.” Tony said calming me down. I managed to calm down and stopped crying as Kang Ta oppa came into the room and sleepily asked what was all thes screaming about.

While this was happening, I walked over to the balcony and went outside. I had not been feeling all too great ever since my dream episode a couple of days ago. I couldn’t get Andy out of my head. The truth was, I felt that I still loved him even though he hurt me so much.

“Yuri, this ring is a symbol of a promise that I am willing to make to you. After we’ve both finished college, I’m gonna marry you. As long as you wear the ring, and I wear mine, we will always be together forever.” Andy said placing the ring in the palm of my hand. I saw that he was wearing the identical ring to the one on my finger, “Look at the inscription on the inside of the band”

“I’m fine Hwan Hee, just fine.” I said, putting my arms around his neck and kissed him. He quickly responded and it was a long time before we pulled apart. We stood there holding each other for a long time until Hye Sung came onto the balcony asking us to come inside.

We watched movies until 3am and then decided to crash. We stayed at Hwan Hee’s place because we were too tired to even get up. After many arguments of whether or not I should sleep on the floor, he finally decided that I had no choice and I was going to sleep in his bed.

“I just couldn’t believe he would do that to me. I think he purposely tried to kill me or something. I mean, he was really mad and he kept saying that I was selfish.” I sobbed, “For the first time in my life I felt scared of my own boyfriend, oppa. Can you believe that? Scared of Andy.”

“Don’t mention that name around this family anymore omma. Yuri and I both don’t want anything to do with that guy anymore. He has treated my own dongseng like dirt and does not deserve to show his face around here anymore.” Tony oppa said angrily.

That was the last time I ever saw Andy. I was crying so hard, my whole body was shaking and my omma and appa were distraught with not knowing what was going on. Tony oppa told me that he’d tried to call the house after I was discharged and also came to the house a few times, but Tony had made sure that he never got close to me. My heart ached so much, It had probably broken. I thought it would never heal.

That day, I had to wear dark glasses to cover my swollen eyes. Everyone else didn’t say anything except for Tony oppa. He never seemed to miss a thing. When I was walking with the others down the street to the shops holding Hwan Hee’s hand, Tony oppa came and said he needed to talk to me.

“I had another dream. This time, it was the scene in the hospital. I was crying when I woke up and Hwan Hee oppa heard me. He knows there’s something depressing me. I think I should tell him about… the… accident.” I said slowly, looking at Tony.

“Oh man, it looks like these dreams are going to bug you all the time now.” Tony said giving me a hug, “Yeah, you should tell Hwan Hee about all this. I mean, he’s you’re boyfriend now and I guess he deserves to know. It might help to get it all out of you. And I know he will be very understanding.”

“Hmm, that sounds like you’ve thought it through. Actually, I was thinking of sending you there on a more permanent basis. In regards to university, you can study at ChunAn University, to finish your English major. You can go, but give it a while so we can work the arrangements out. This will be the best opportunity for you.” Andy’s appa said decidedly. He was a strict man who was well respected by his family and co-workers.

Now he was really on his way to finding Yuri. He knew that it would not be easy to find her, but he wouldn’t stop trying. He would search every single college and university until he found her. He wasn’t going to give up. Going to college in the same country as Yuri seemed like an excellent idea. He was going to find her, there was no doubt about it. He lay down on his bed and twirled the silver promise ring on his forefinger while thinking of Yuri.

Then it was back into the recording room to record the rest of the songs. But of course, we couldn’t get through them all in one day. I barely finished two. I was completely ecstatic and happy. It was just such a wonderful feeling, I hoped it would last.

“I have something to ask you guys though, well you see, I’m going to be transferring to Chun An University and I was wondering… if you guys would mind you’re cousin crashing at you’re place. Well, not crashing, but just staying on for lodging.” Andy asked hopefully.

I walked onstage and smiled at the crowd. The music for my yet to be released debut single started and I got ready to sing. The song was called Keeping the Faith. I sang with all my heart and at the end there was a tremendous sound as the whole arena erupted in applause. There was whistling and cheers from all around. I couldn’t believe it. It was really happening. I quickly bowed and walked off stage as Shinhwa’s track started to play. There were cheers all around once more.

I was so happy. This was so exciting! My first performance went really well! I was also the closing act for the concert. I couldn’t wait until they heard that song because it was my favourite song of all. Even though it was not one of my original songs, I loved it so much that Mr Soo Man agreed to put it on the album. It was the remake of Born To Make You Happy originally by Britney Spears.

“Ladies, gentlemen and distinguished guests. The last act is the same talented young lady that we heard at the beginning of this event. She is only 18 years old and is our newest addition to the SM entertainment family. Please welcome back, YURI AHN!” the concert announcer boomed, there was much applause and I slowly walked out onto the stage.

“Thankyou everyone, you’ve been a really great audience to me. The next song I’ll be singing is one of my personal favourites. Britney Spears sang it a few years ago, I loved it so much that I just had to sing it. I am performing it with an acoustic accompaniment. Hope y’all like it!” I said smiling at the crowd and getting ready to sing. There were cheers all around once more, the loudest was from my friends sitting in the front of the open air auditorium. Hye Sung oppa and Tony oppa standing up and wolf whistling.

During the second verse, I drifted off into a dream like state and suddenly thought I saw Andy standing at the back of the crowds of people. He stood there with tears in his eyes. I had tears in my eyes too. The words of the song depicted my feelings. “Born to make you happy” was the song that I’d given Andy on his 19th birthday. I’d sung it to him as one of our other friends had played the guitar. I still remembered that night.

The entire auditorium erupted in applause and everyone was standing. I smiled and bowed to the crowd saying, “Thankyou, you’ve truly been a great audience. Please thank my guitarist and also all the musicians and back up singers too. Thankyou so much. The children have definitely benefited from all your generosity. Thanks so much for being here!” I bowed again and walked off stage. As I reached the stage back stairs, I felt strange. I suddenly remembered I’d thought I’d seen Andy as I was singing. I turned around a strained to see to the back of the still standing crowd. I couldn’t see back that far due to the thousands of people standing.

I was enveloped by hugs from all my friends as I stepped off the stage. I could see the joy on all their faces. Mi Yun, Yoo Jin and Brian looked as if they’d really been touched by my last song and Kang Ta even had a few tears in his eyes. I was so happy to see that I’d appealed to the emotions and touched my friends. This showed that my feelings were depicted through my singing. Exactly what I’d wanted.

“Thankyou. I’m so happy Hwan Hee. Thanks for being here too! It makes this even more special to me.” I said, kissing him. We stayed like that for quite awhile, forgetting our surroundings. Oh dear God, don’t let this night ever stop. It’s too wonderful to be true! I’m here with a wonderful guy who I love and also, I’ve just made my debut performance! All my dreams have come true.

After that, we all set off to the party on our own. It was to be held at a special reserved hotel. Hwan Hee and I went in the limousine the SM company provided for me. It all felt so surreal to me, riding in a limo with my boyfriend to the after party of a concert that I’d just sung in. Not to mention, the concert consisted of singers that I really admired, like Shinhwa. “This can’t be real” I thought as I leaned my head on Hwan Hee’s shoulder as we drove towards the party.

A tall, good-looking Korean guy with blonde hair came over to Yuri at that moment and wrapped his arms around her. “Damn, she has a boyfriend already.” Andy said disappointedly. He saw her kiss him and watched their embrace with jealousy. “She’s still supposed to be with me. We promised each other to be together forever.” He thought.

“I can’t believe I’ve lost her. How stupid was I? Making that one mistake… I should have tried harder. I can’t believe I let such a perfect person go. She was my soul mate. We were meant to be together. But now, she’s with that other guy. And he has the looks and it seems like he loves her a lot. Man, I’ve seriously screwed up, big time. How can I get her back now?” thought Andy totally lost in all his thoughts.

He suddenly looked up and saw Mi Yun and Min Woo amongst Yuri’s group of friends. What? They were her friends? What a small world. He couldn’t believe it. It seemed that God was giving him a second chance. He was about to walk up to the group and surprise them, but he also knew that he would be spoiling Yuri’s glory. He knew that he would not be able to see her wonderful smile if he’d suddenly shown up while she was basking in all the happiness that she deserved. “I can’t do that to her right now.” Andy thought.

On the way here from the airport Andy’d seen posters all over the city and at the airport advertising the SM entertainment group’s charity concert called Give A Little Hope. It was for the children in child labour all over the world. All proceeds would go to help them go to school instead of working for employers who exploited them. Andy had seen Yuri’s photo on the side and had been totally shocked. She was a singer now? Was this the same Yuri Ahn? He’d asked the taxi to drop him at the concert and even though the concert was nearly over, he’d paid in full to get in. He came in just when Yuri was starting to sing the very song she’d sung to him for his 19th birthday.

“That was about one and a half years ago.” Andy thought, reminiscing. He smiled remembering her smile, the way her hair was smoothly brushed back and tucked behind her ears, the dress she wore, her beautiful eyes, her voice, her laugh. Then, his smile turned into a frown as he’d seen her face while she was singing the song tonight. Her face was so sad, there were tears in her eyes, and in his too. She’d seemed as if she were looking right at him, but he was unsure. The way she’d sung that song had touched his heart so deeply. She was so hurt and he’d caused it. He had to make it up to her in some way.

But first, he had to go see his cousins. They didn’t even know he was in the country yet. He hadn’t told them he’d be coming this soon. He wanted to surprise them, but now he had no where to stay seeing as they’d just gone to the after party too. I guess I’ll just have to wait for them, and he called a taxi.

Mi Yun and Min Woo returned to their house at about 4am the next morning. They were talking and laughing about the events of the whole night and did not realize that they had a visitor. They did not see Andy until they nearly tripped over his sleeping body on their front step.

I was on the phone to Mi Yun, having a girly chat with her. She was so excited about meeting Shinhwa and kept on talking about them. Mi Yun and Yoo Ji were my two closest female friends in Korea. I didn’t know very many Korean girls. Only those two and a few of the SM family and crew.

“Totally. Anyway, I think it’s time I’d better go, Min Woo oppa will kill me if he walks past again and finds I’m on the phone again. Not to mention, I better go see what my cousin has gotten up to.” Mi Yun said finally calming down from the excitement of meeting Shinhwa the previous night.

“Yeah Mi Yun, I’m all cool. Just a little fall that’s all. Man, how clumsy am I? And now your friend thinks I’m a dumb ass as well. Why’d you have to tell her?” Andy said rubbing his nose, which had turned a little red from the fall. He had had a feeling that it was Yuri who was on the phone to his cousin and wanted to maybe hear what they were saying. He missed her so much.

“I can see how much you love them from your room, covered in their posters. Wow, she’s a singer? How did she come to singing?” Andy asked curiously, wanting to know more about what his “girlfriend” had been up to while she was here. He still referred to Yuri as his girlfriend in his mind. Anyway, they had never really broken up.

“Oh, that. Well, our friend Hye Sung’s dad’s friend heard her sing and well, yeah. He pretty much signed her up to SM entertainment on the spot. His dad’s friend is the manager of SM entertainment. So, it was very fortunate for her.” Mi Yun said walking over to the couch and sitting down.

“Thanks for the ride Woo Hyuk oppa.” I said as I climbed out of the car. It’d been a long day at the studios discussing the release. I was tired and wanted to just have a nice relaxing shower and fall into bed. But I’d promised Hwan Hee that I’d go to his house to stay the night after I’d finished up and watch videos with him.

So it was a quiet night in watching movies with my boyfriend and his best friend. I was so happy to be able to relax finally after a hectic schedule. I wanted to thoroughly enjoy my day off because like Mr Soo Man had said, day’s off were not easy to get. Little did I know that my day off would not turn out to be all that I’d expected.

Andy thought to himself carefully, “This is my chance. I’m finally going to get to see her after all this time. What will she say? Will she be happy? I can’t screw this up. Don’t forget, she has a boyfriend already. I don’t care. Yuri, I love you so much…always…”

“Yes. As usual. Man, I should tell them that we were meeting at 10. Maybe then they would have come at 10.30. Anyway, you guys just relax. When they get here, we can all drive down to the beach. It’s a wonderful day!” Hye Sung said looking out the window at the beautiful clear sky.

He walked into the living room and looked around. There were quite a few faces he could not recognize. But he vaguely remembered seeing most of them on the night of Yuri’s performance. A girl with short, burgundy dyed hair lying on the couch with her head on the lap of a guy with dark hair. Another guy with short blonde tipped spikey hair, sitting on the floor flicking through a magazine. A tall, tanned guy that Andy just recognized as his cousin’s boyfriend. He’d seen many pictures of him around her room. Then all of a sudden, he saw her. His beautiful Yuri standing on the opposite side of the room wearing a purple T-shirt and jeans. She had her hair half up and he could see that she wore a silver necklace with a ring on it. The ring he had given her! Their eyes met at the exact moment and Andy saw her mouth open in shock.

I could see what was going on. Mi Yun was confused at how Tony oppa had reacted to seeing Andy for the first time. It was all going so fast. All of a sudden, I could see Andy pleading to me, “I didn’t! I would never do anything to hurt her! Yuri?! You have to believe that!” and then, the fight had started. Tony and Andy, struggling and fighting. They were both strong and I knew that it was a hopeless fight. They wouldn’t stop until one of them was unconscious or dead. I’m not sure that they minded which. I had to do something, before it was too late.

“I have to stop it Hwan Hee! They’ll kill each other!” I said pulling out of his grasp and running into the fight. I tried to get between them and at that moment, Tony and Andy both threw out a punch at each other, missed and hit me, one in the neck and the other in the chin.

“She’s waking up!” Andy said rushing to the other side of the bed from the window where he’d been standing. He looked at her sadly, lying there on the hospital bed pale as a ghost with a brace around her neck and a large fading bruise on her chin.

“Well, what happened was, I knew her from ages ago. Our parents knew each other from a long time ago.” He continued, “She saw me at the party and we started talking. I sort of realized that she was a little drunk. She told me that she’d broken up with her boyfriend a few days before. I guess that’s why she was drunk. I was listening to her and then all of a sudden, she was all over me. I had no idea what was going on. Then you came and saw us. I really tried to tell you about all this, but you wouldn’t listen. I was really upset because you just refused to listen to me and was really angry that I didn’t look where I was driving and crashed. I didn’t mean to hurt you Yuri. Really. I would never do that.”

“I’m so sorry. I thought you really left me. I kept wondering what I did wrong. I was really really heartbroken.” I said, squeezing his hand, “Then, I came here. Tony oppa said I could start afresh. New friends, a new life. Forget about the past. I met Hwan Hee and he was just perfect. But, I would also be lying if I said I didn’t think of you. I still have dreams.”

“It’s okay Yuri. I can wait. But as you know, you must choose sooner or later. I think that time will show you who it is that you really want. And both of us must just wait for that and accept whatever decision you make. You still wear the ring I gave you. I still have mine. I hope you still remember what that means. We will always be together forever. I will be here for you forever.” Andy said consoling me.

I had fully recovered and was right into launching my album release. It was Friday and I’d just finished my video for Keeping the Faith. It had taken two days to complete and I was dead tired. The album’s release would be on Monday. I was so excited and also worried about what the public’s reaction to my music would be. The single had done really well so far. But still, people can like one song, but listen to the album and think that it wasn’t good.

“Tony oppa! I’m all done. Yeah, you can come and pick me up now.” I said, glad to hear the voice of my brother. He had become increasingly worried over me after the fight. I’d told him that it was okay. I was fine, but I think he still felt guilty for what had happened. It was definitely not his fault. Also, I’d explained the situation of the party to him earlier. He hadn’t been happy, but I knew he only needed time. He really like Andy a lot before all of this. They were always like brothers. Looking after me in their own ways.

The other group started to advance on our group and then it started to get intense. There was pushing and shoving. Mi Yun, standing next to me was wringing her hands and fidgeting on the spot. Yoo Jin was also getting worried, with a solemn expression on her face.

“Well, for now, I’ll leave it here. But, if I don’t find her soon. I’ll be back here for another little interrogation.” Danny said letting go of Mi Yun and pushing her forward. She collapsed to the ground as Danny and his followers ran off to the fence, jumped over it and disappeared into the night.

Andy stood there watching Yuri and Hwan Hee kissing. He felt uncomfortable watching them, but he couldn’t help watching. “I miss her so much. I can’t believe she’s with another guy. And I’m watching them make out!” he said turning away in a sudden when he realized that Yuri had noticed him watching.

After that, we all accompanied Mi Yun to the hospital. She had mild shock. The police had asked us what had happened. We just stuck with the story that some party crashers had shown up and were drunk. They believed it. In actual fact, Danny had been going out with Hye Rim – Dong Wan’s cousin. She had left him a few months ago and had not told Danny anything. She had also split with his money as well. She was still on the loose and no one had any idea where she went. There were rumours that she was on drugs now and had run away so as not to be caught. Dong Wan oppa and his cousin had not really been all that close.

I was sitting on the stage set up especially in the heart of the city, smiling and signing copies of my new album. It felt so wonderful to be out there doing all them famous star stuff. I never thought it could ever happen to me. Fame was a little unnerving at times. The crazy reporters, fans, but I guess the fact that they love music was good enough reason for me to put up with them. I was just an ordinary girl, with a dream. And if fulfilling that dream also required the public appearances, then I’d go along with it.

“Okay everyone. I think that’s the end of autograph signing. Thankyou all for coming and of course, for supporting me by buying my album. I really really appreciate it and I really hope you like it!” I said standing up and talking into a microphone. I bowed to the crowd and waved, then walked off the stage with the sounds of clapping following me.

“I just got a phone call from Doctor Yoo. He said that when your neck was injured, they took some X-rays and scans of your neck, to ensure that everything was okay. Well, the results came back awhile ago, but they just found something different today. They need you to go back to the hospital to double check. As soon as possible.” Tony oppa said worriedly.

The scans were taken and I had to wait until the next day for the results. I knew it’d be a long wait. I was so worried and nervous and upset. I sat quietly in the car thinking to myself as Tony oppa drove me home. I couldn’t think properly. This could change my life forever. I’d been through so many life changing events since I’d reached Korea. But this time, I didn’t think I would be able to cope.

“Lord, how do I deal with this? Please help me. How can I keep on going? Give me the strength.” I prayed to myself that night as I sat at the table pushing my food around on my plate with my fork. Kangta oppa was out with Yoo Jin that night, so me and Tony oppa were alone in the apartment.

Andy talked to me for about a few hours, trying to let me see the straight road. I knew that he was right. If the results showed positive, then I knew that I could do nothing. God gave me my health, but if he wanted to take it away, I couldn’t do anything about it. Just trust in Him and keep on going. Living the most I could out of life.

“What’s going on?” he thought to himself as he went up to the apartment. He felt a tinge of jealousy as he went up in the elevator. He had heard some of the things that had been said when he had left the hospital room to give Andy and Yuri some privacy. He knew that their relationship had been really deep. They had practically grown up together. He wondered how far the relationship was now.

“Remember the time when I was in hospital?” I asked, he nodded, “Doctor Yoo called today and told me that they had found something on my scans. They said it may be a tumor hear in my throat.” I said touching the spot that the doctor had showed me. I could feel the lump now. It was real.

The waiting almost killed me. I was nervous, moody, irritable, unable to eat properly and really tired at times. I wondered if it was just me, or were the symptoms to what the doctor had described were already in affect. I didn’t want to think about it. For the last three days, I had been suffering from all the depressive symptoms and also had started to touch my throat, where the lump was, a lot. It had become a reflex. I thought that maybe if I touched the spot enough, I’d suddenly find nothing there and that it had all been one terrible nightmare.

“The cancer will slowly force you to become extremely tired and soon after that, you will lose your voice. After that, death is just another stage of the illness. This form of the illness is unfortunately incurable. We have yet to find a cure. I’m very sorry Yuri.” He said sadly.

“It’s hard to tell. With this type of condition, most patients would have about 6 months to a year, but there have been cases in which the patients have survived up to 5 years. It’s a rare disease. We can give you medication all the way through. To ease the effects of the symptoms. I’m truly sorry for having to be the one to tell you this Yuri.” Doctor Yoo said sadly.

My life was drawing to an end early, and I could not do anything about it. Growing old would not be an option for me. I would have no future beyond five years. I wouldn’t even live to be 25 years old. Never get married, have children, see my grandchildren. The things I would regret the most would be leaving my loved ones behind.

I had told all my friends about my condition with the help of Tony oppa. I’d started to cry during the end and he had had to finish it off for me. Hwan Hee stood holding me tightly. Andy on the far side of the room had tears in his eyes, along with Tony oppa. Mi Yun was sobbing and shaking her head, unbelievingly. Dong Wan, Min Woo and Hye Sung oppas were totally shocked. Brian and Kang Ta had tears in their eyes too. Yoo Jin had tears trickling down her face as well, she stood staring off into space. Everyone just couldn’t believe it.

I didn’t want to stop singing. Stopping that would have been like killing me there and then. That was one of the things I loved most in the world. I was determined to keep going at it until my voice truly left me. Nothing was going to take that away from me.

I’d sort of recovered from the initial shock of finding out that I had cancer. I had already gone to Mr Soo Man and explained my condition and he had taken it quite well. I expected him to kick me out, but he was sympathetic and told me that he would definitely want me to continue working at SM. I was overjoyed. He also agreed with me about not notifying the fans as yet. Give it a couple of months at least.

Yesterday, I’d returned to the hospital to collect the medication that Dr Yoo had prescribed. I was a bad patient. I couldn’t take pills. I’d tried many, many times and I just couldn’t swallow them. Tony oppa would have to crush them for me every time.

“It’s okay omma. Yuri is strong. She refuses to let people think she’s weak. She won’t stop work. Not until she absolutely has to. Can I ask you both to do something for her sake?” Tony asked his parents as he started to load the car with the luggage.

After that, we talked for a long time about everyday things. We had so much to catch up on. Finally, the topic came up that everyone was expecting. Me. I explained everything to them about what the doctor had said. My mother burst into tears when I mentioned how long patients with this disease were expected to live.

“Yes omma. I know that it’s hard to accept, but life goes on. I am determined to not let this disease bring me down. I don’t want to have to give up just yet. I want to live what life I have left to the full. So that I will have no regrets. Please learn to accept it too.” I said tears coming to my own eyes. I held onto Hwan Hee’s hand tightly.

For the next few months, I went and visited as many hospitals and other homes as possible, also trying to not give anything away to the fans. It was hard because I was continually getting weaker. Some days, I felt like not getting up. I just felt so tired, but then I thought to myself, I don’t have all that long to go. If I just stay in bed, I may not ever get back out again. I didn’t want to sit in bed and just waste away before everyone’s eyes. That is what kept me going. Also, the fact that the fans were so loyal. Turning up at every appearance, asking for autographs wherever I went. I knew I couldn’t let them down.

Something else I’d realized was that Andy either came to see me, messaged me on my phone or called me everyday. He was really great. I also thought back to the dream that I’d had when I was in hospital. Hwan Hee and Andy had wanted me to choose between them. I knew I hadn’t given them an answer. I didn’t know what to do. I loved them both. Andy was my first love. Every time I thought of him, I could hear “First Love” by Shinhwa play in my mind. I could never forget that. But Hwan Hee was so wonderful. He really understood me and cared for me. He treated me like an angel that I did not deserve to be. My mind always went into confusion when I thought about all this. Better to not put myself through this emotional and mental trauma. I was suffering enough.

“Well, what boyfriend wouldn’t be jealous when you wear a ring all the time with your ex’s name and yours inscribed on the inside. Don’t you think I’d be curious to wondering if you two still had something going?” he said back, standing up as well.

“So that’s the way you feel? I always thought that you were different. You didn’t care about it. That you knew how I felt about you. I guess I was wrong!” I said tears starting to come out of my eyes. Yoo Jin and Brian were watching shocked at what was happening infront of them. Hwan Hee and I had never fought before.

I ran on and on, tears streaming down my face. People were staring at me as I ran past, but I didn’t care. I had to get away from there. I ran until I reached a park beside a lake, there, I dropped below a tree and curled myself into ball with my head on my knees sobbing and sobbing.

Finally I stopped crying and looked up at the moon through the leaves of the tree. I started to think clearly and realized that it was not Hwan Hee’s fault at all. I had been unfair to him in going on wearing the ring. Even if I had promised Andy. It was time I came to terms with both of them. I couldn’t keep on holding onto both their hearts. It was not fair to both of them. It was Hwan Hee’s right to be jealous. Man, who wouldn’t be? After seeing his girlfriend always wearing a ring that her ex had given her. He was completely right. Poor baby. I was the one who had started this fight. It hadn’t been his fault. It was bound to happen. I’d been so stupid. He was human after all, he could be hurt and get jealous.

Hwan Hee kissed me then, I had tears running down my cheeks. I knew what I would have to do. It was just too cruel to keep both Hwan Hee and Andy on the line. I was the cruelest girl that lived. Keeping two guys to myself. Selfishly. I was so torn apart. It was time that I let them go. Let them fly free. Live their own lives, apart from me.

“These days, it hasn’t been easy, on either of you. I’m sorry. It’s all because of me. I caused everything that has happened between the two of you and me. You both came to me in a dream and asked me to choose between the two of you. This happened while I was unconscious after the fight. I need to thank the both of you for helping me out of that. Even if it was to find out later that I would have cancer. I still thankyou for returning me back into life. I know that choosing between the two of you is something you both think will solve everything. But the truth is, I can’t. I’ve spent the last half year turning the whole thing around and around in my head. And nothing had helped. I can’t choose between the two of you. You are both my loves. Even though I want both of you, I know that I won’t be as selfish as that. I can’t keep you both hanging by a moment, waiting for me to decide. I have been selfish enough to keep it going on for this long. Please go on with your lives. After I… after I die, please forget about me.” I said tears streaming down my cheeks.

“Yes I do Hwan Hee oppa. I’ve been really really cruel to you. I want you to know that I didn’t use you. That I truly loved you and still do. But keeping this going will only make things worse. Please understand.” I said looking at him, still with tears coming down my cheeks.

“I can’t let you both wait for me. I’m going to die, I know it’s coming soon. I’m not afraid of death, I’m just afraid of leaving you both. Death is really a part of living. But love is always stronger than all. I will always love you both.” I said truthfully.

“This last song, is my absolute favourite. Born to make you happy. It holds true meaning for me. All my family and friends, I was born to make them happy. I know that each of them are watching right now and I just want you guys to be happy. You’ve really helped me in my life. To all you fans out there, I have a special announcement that I need to make to all of you at the end of this song. So please bare with me.” I said smiling as the music for the song started to play.

I sung like I’d never sung it before. I looked over at where my family and friends were sitting the whole time. My omma, appa, Tony, Kang Ta, Yoo Jin, Brian, Hwan Hee, Hye Sung, Dong Wan, Mi Yun, Min Woo and Andy. The people I loved the most. They all looked at me with emotion in their eyes. I forced myself to not cry. I was determined to stay ontop of it.

“All of these people mean so much to me. And all you guys, the fans! I love you so much. I need to make an important announcement now that I want all of you to take seriously. No matter how I don’t want to do this, I have to. So please listen.” A hush came over the auditorium.

“I wanted all the fans to find out from me personally. This is something that has and will change my life forever. I am like you all, have hopes and dreams. Singing is something I love and I will not be giving it up. It is my dream and I have my chance now to fulfill it. I hope that each and every one of you never give up on your dreams and always stay strong. I must leave now, all of you please take care. Thankyou so much.” I said as body guards started to file across the stage and guide us backstage.

My last concert ever was tonight. I knew that it’d be a struggle just to get through it. I wasn’t feeling too tired. The worst thing over the months was that I’d started noticing that my voice was deteriorating. I knew it wouldn’t be long before I would not be able to talk, let alone sing. That saddened me a lot.

“All ready?” Woo Hyuk oppa asked me as he walked past. He looked sad and sympathetic. Over the past five months, there had been rumours that me being sick was a hoax. There had been many press conferences. Finally, the public had come to understand what was happening to me.

The concert started. I loved it all. The fans were persistent and loving. Shouting out “Yuri Ahn” all the time. I looked at them with tears in my eyes. I would miss them a lot. I sang through all the songs I’d released on my album. Seeing as I only released one album in the long time I’d been singing, I’d released many of my songs, and also, sang some new ones that’d be put on a compiled album.

Each day past with a little bit of sadness. I could feel my physical body becoming weaker and weaker. I knew that my voice would not last. I tried to talk to as many people as I could. Before I couldn’t. My parents would call my relatives and I would talk to them for a long time on the phone. Mr Soo Man suggested that I make an appearance to the fans for one last time. Not to sing, but just to talk to the fans. It was like an interview. I enjoyed it a lot. All my friends would spend time talking to me always. I would never be alone for one instant. The only time would be when I was to sleep. During these times, I would have many wonderful thoughts about my life. Dreaming dreams that calmed and soothed me.

My dreams were filled with beautiful scenery and many many butterflies flying around me. I was dressed in white, running around the fields, or near a waterfall, or on a beach, always trying to catch the butterflies. They were so beautiful, with a beautiful translucent colour about them.

We were all gathered together at Hye Sung’s place. My parents had also been invited. The music was on, there was such a wonderful spirit about the place. I loved the atmosphere. Looking around, I could see everyone having a good time. I was dancing along with everyone else to the music.

“He’s coming. He had to drop one of his friends off at the airport. He should be here soon.” I said softly. The last few days, my voice had constantly disappeared. It was quite scary, but I couldn’t stop it. I could only speak softly now, close to a whisper. Also, the thirst was getting unbearable. My throat ached constantly.

We drove through the streets in silence. I was getting worried, my dad was silent, Andy just concentrated on driving, and my mother was wringing her hands with worry. The roads were slippery. There had been snow a few days earlier. Slush was everywhere. I’d especially told Tony oppa to be careful.

“Oh no! Tony!” my mother screamed all of a sudden when we stopped on the highway. There was a scene of total chaos on the road. My brother’s car was on the wrong lane, the front of it totally smashed. There was another car on the other side with it’s side totally wrecked as well.

My brother was gone. He’d had such a short life. I couldn’t believe it. Andy pulled me up after awhile. The paramedics had to get him to the hospital anyway. I looked at his face one last time before they took him away. His face was calm and serene, as if her were asleep.

I turned and sobbed into Andy’s shoulder. I couldn’t handle it. My oppa. He had looked after every day of my life. The best older brother any little sister could ever ask for. He was my protector, my hero. I don’t know how to live without him. I’d thought that I’d be the first one to meet all the others in heaven. But, in a sudden turn of events, my brother had been given the first place. I knew I’d meet him soon.

A few days after that, I lost my voice. It came as a shock. I woke up one morning and couldn’t say a thing. I knew it would have happened sooner or later, but I didn’t expect it so suddenly. The days went by after the funeral, my mother had been hit hardest with my brother’s death. If he had been the perfect brother to me, he had definitely been the perfect son to my parents.

I got weaker and weaker, paler and paler. Not long after, when spring started, I was kept in bed. I couldn’t bring myself to walk. It was just too hard to stand up. I needed help to go to the toilet. Sometimes, I lay in bed with an unbearable burning throat. I’d clutch my mother’s hand and grit my teeth. Other times, headaches would cause my head to spin and soon after, I’d need to close my eyes.

When I could stay awake, I’d read the letters from the fans that Mr Soo Man kept bring in. The letters were so sweet. Some of them made me cry. There were so many of them, that I knew I wouldn’t be able to read them all. I felt sorry to those fans whose letters I wouldn’t get the chance to read.

Other times, Andy or Hwan Hee would offer to babysit me. I thought that it was ridiculous. But my mother would not take a rest unless there was someone with me. They would read to me, tell me what trouble Min Woo oppa had gotten up to. Another fight Mi Yun and Dong Wan oppa got into, the things that Brian oppa would say, Hye Sung oppa’s tactics on trying to pick up on girls. I found it very entertaining. Also, sometimes I would just want them to sit with me, in silence. The whole gang would sometimes pack into my room and keep me entertained for hours. Seeing them so lively made me feel happy that they were happy, but sometimes I would feel sad too. Asking God, “Why can’t I be like them? Be healthy?” I would miss all of my friends so much.

Spring came and went, the sky cleared up and the flowers blossomed. The sun came out and shone through Yuri’s window. The birds returned in time to say goodbye to Yuri. It was such a beautiful day as she lay on her bed with her head on her omma’s lap, with her appa standing over them both. Each of Yuri’s hands held tightly, one by Andy, the other by Hwan Hee. Her two loves. As she had hoped, she was surrounded by her loved ones. On the lap where she had drawn her first breath, she quietly drew her last. There was no farewell except for one loving look, and a soft little sigh. The sunshine streamed in through the window over the calm, peaceful face. All of those around her thanked God that Yuri was well at last.